The Fiddle Leaf Fig Funk

Walking down a Brooklyn street with friends on the way to happy hour, I spotted him: Figgy Smalls, hidden on the bottom shelf of a pretty damn cute garden and gift shop.

He was a Fiddle Leaf Fig and the mac daddy of trendy house plants that I desperately wanted in my own home. Nevermind that I could barely keep a succulent alive. He. Would. Be. Mine.

I made our crew stop so I could peruse, whispering sweet nothings to Figgy Smalls before scooping him up and bringing him home to Astoria. He lived in the living room of my (itty bitty) 1-bedroom apartment, where I greeted him every morning, and bid him adieu every night until one day he looked a little down. I tried everything. More sun, less sun, more water, no water. I scanned pages on pages on pages of google searches about caring for a dying Fiddle Leaf Fig.

Though nothing helped, the amount of content did ease my bruised ego. This wasn't on me. He was high maintenance! His communication skills were lacking! He was rude! I tried my best to salvage the relationship but he dropped leaves daily until what was left was the saddest structure of branches that I ever did see. 

When I said goodbye to Figgy Smalls (via the weekly trash pick up - oof), I vowed to try again, ideally with a less picky botanical when my green thumb's heart was healed.

Flash forward many years: I'm in a new state, a larger condo, live with a Jade plant named... Jade... that I managed to keep alive for nearly 5 years. I have a newfound obsession with instagram stories and my love for Fiddle Leaf Figs has been renewed. 

Figgy Pop via

After a few casual runs to Home Depot, I managed to snag two: one for me (Figgy Pop) and one for mom (Figgy Azalea) that now adorn our sunrooms. Figgy Azalea is thriving! A tree style Fig, she's growing at a rate faster than we could have ever imagined, which has actually become overwhelming. Figgy Pop on the other-hand, is extremely picky and once again, I'm lamenting my choice for such a temperamental plant partner.

Careful what you wish for, my mother said to me after we both finished lamenting over our Figs - too much of a good thing is ... sometimes just too damn much. 

Emoji praise hands to my momma, y'all.

If I'm honest, there's a good chance I'll try to pawn Figgy Pop off on someone else, and scoop up Figgy Azalea because the tree version just speaks to me more. If I'm even more honest, it's highly likely both Figgy's will end up at other homes because they are just so big. And a little bit rude. And I'm not sure I'll be able to avoid the Little Shop of Horrors dreams much longer.

Sigh. Can't say I didn't try, right?!

Do you have and love a Fiddle Leaf Fig, or are you realizing the plant isn't quite your speed? Curious to know if I'm not the only one who's started to regret the decision!

xx, M


Feature image via The Life Creative - who's post on his Fiddle Leaf Fig makes me feel better.

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